When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
