I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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