no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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