She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
