Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We talked him into tasing himself.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
