i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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