btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
