I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
