whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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