I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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