May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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