she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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