I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
