So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
