kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
