everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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