Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize