I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
birth control should be required to get into college
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
