How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize