Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
