So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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