so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
