I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
