you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
where are you?
Hypothermia
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
