he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
