break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
