someone owes me an orgasm
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
