The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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