Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize