Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
And then he peed in my hair
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
