I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
