Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize