So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
