Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
