Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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