lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
