I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
