Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
