She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
