It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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