a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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