Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
