i need an iv and a liver transplant
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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