Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
