so that wasnt chicken after all
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize