Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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