There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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