If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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