Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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