it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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