38 yer olds are good kisserssss
high people should be assigned attendants
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He keeps bees of course he's weird
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
