i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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