If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
