Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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