areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
