Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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