I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
