Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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