The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She's the barista slut.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
