FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
