went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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