she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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