Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
