my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize