I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
