So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
