I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You left your phone here
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