I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize