and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
