They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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