I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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