He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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