So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
