More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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