how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
