Me too!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
